Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Things Happen

As a child I would always threaten to run away if things didn't go my way. That's it!!! I would say. No more spankings for me. Now as an adult I rolled the idea around in my head. What would happen if I ran away and never came back? Where would I go? Would I start a new identity? How would I manage all the pain and loss of my closest family and friends. How would they manage in my absence?
I was such a drama queen as a child I even threatened to kill myself. I was dealing with a great deal of trauma indeed but I had no idea how final suicide really was.
Yes, I admit it as an adult I've also thought about suicide in some of my darkest and deepest corners of my mind. I realize when I was thinking these preposterous thoughts the enemy was having a field day on my thoughts and making me to believe I didn't have freedom an authority over the situations. I've experienced sexual abuse, a cheating partner, domestic violence , poverty, homelessness and racism just to name a few. Now when my backs up against the wall, I wrap myself in love for myself. I love on me a little bit as my mentor Lisa Nichols would say. I feel my heart beating so freely and the breathe flowing through my body. I am an authentic individual with a colorful personality and a liberating since of style. I am perfect as perfect can be. I am smart, I am beautiful , I am lovely, I am going to make it. If I end the story too early the very best part of this book will remain unwritten. So as long as my hearts beating and I'm breathing I will allow it to. You be sure to do the same. I know the futures scary, so what! Hold your head high anyway. Most of the things I do, I'm shivering in my boots over but I do them anyway. Learn to live and overcome any challenge fearful an all.
God Bless You

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