Friday, May 20, 2011

Always learning, Always Growing

After I titled this piece ALWAYS LEARNING, ALWAYS GROWING. I thought to myself , wow, you should use this title for a post after you graduate and share your emotions from this new perspective. Immediately I was reassured to continue. The blessings of the Lord addth NO sorrow and there is more than enough abundance to go around. There is No scarcity or Lack in God's Kingdom and as his child I am a shareholder and entitled to a piece of this never ending pie.
 I met a beautiful woman of color on yesterday an God brings people in your life when you need them most. I was in a wind tunnel of constant disappointment and this petite 60 something gentle, soft spoken women helped me flip the power switch in this proverbial tunnel and see the light at  the end of the tunnel. I couldn't see it for all the wind in my face and I couldn't remember the positive affirmations I'd rehearsed time and time again in past moments of pain I'd learned while hiding my face under the covers. My vision was cloudy , my mind was confused. Thank you Maritiza!!
She spoke with me and shared her life, In  passing she made a comment in my ear shot. She said the minute you think your life is over, its only beginning. So I teasingly responded, How are you so sure? I caution you be careful when you ask a question especially to an elder, they have been down the road you are traveling they just may give you a powerful answer filled with strength courage and wisdom.
Maritiza said because two years ago I couldn't walk. I had breast cancer, and the Chemo was killing me, but here I am today shopping, spending my own hard earned money, cancer free. I never thought I'd be able to do this nor did I think I'd ever have any money. I thought my life was over. When your on the path you get up in the morning go about your day an hope, one day, things will be different. I'm here to tell you that everyday you get up you are securing a sure future. Everyday is a chance for a new beginning, a chance to start over. She said you need to start over sometimes and sometimes your forced to start over. She used Maria Schriver as an example. She said look at this woman, beautiful , smart, the total package , in love, married to a man for twenty some odd years just to find he has been betraying her trust for decades and with several woman,  to add insult to injury unprotected, one of the women lived in her home with her husbands  love child. Now what do you think she's going to do? Shimble up and die? Absolutely not, she will start again. You never know what kind of box the present gift will be wrapped in. One morning after 14 years of marriage and two children my husband confessed to me he was gay. Again I started again, an I am growing, I am learning, I am doing! I do things I like, that make me happy. My eyes began to water. She reached out to me. She said now don't get me wrong with tears in her eyes your going to cry and your going to stain your shirt with tears, invest in waterproof mascara. We smiled as we instinctively and collectively placed a finger at the base of our eyes to keep the tears from falling as women sometimes do when it kind of hurts inside but,this is not the place nor the time to mess up our make up and jump feet first into the ugly cry.
She said my youngest is in his 40's and I tell him I love him, I show him I love him. I live in love. I have remarried and my husband sometimes fusses with me for spending so much time collecting orchard's. I tell him I absolutely must. This is what I love to do.
I shared with her my love of writing , fashion, color, artistic harmony, and creativity. I keep some of me for me and I am so filled with guilt for my inability to physically share the same space with my children as much as I'd like and it kills me and I sometimes want to have someone else raise them...................................................................................................................................................excuse me, my natural rain began to fall.  She hugged me. She told me she loved me, She said you are right God did send me here today for you. She said when I was your age I had to leave my children with there abusive father because I wouldn't let him beat me,( I thought about my great grandmother , she had a similar story) but I told him they will know me and they will know what you are. I was later able to reunited and pick up where I left out. Children are much more forgiving than adults. They are closer to God. When you are with them she continued ,tell them you love them, kiss them, hug them. I told her I would never do it they made me who I am, I can't believe I phatnomed the thought. Its OK she said I love you, God loves you and love is more than enough to cover a thought. Jesus left us to prepare a place for us. You are preparing for your family also.
So I said let me make sure I have this, pray, love, do what you love to do and you can always start again, go for it and go with the flow? Martiza said yes you are so beautiful, you remind me of myself when I was young. You are going to make it!!!! We hugged a sincere hug and exchanged numbers, but if we never call each other I got the message!!!
 Maritiza thank you for sharing your life with me. I am encouraged to walk this road. When the winds pick up I will flow with them I will keep my eyes wide, blink when necessary and lean on my loved ones who are walking right beside me.
Use your resources. Chat with your Big Auntie's, Grandma's and the Mother's on the Mother Board of your church. Learning from them can help you with the challenges you face and help with the anguish you feel.
God Bless You !!!
Be Encouraged

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