Saturday, April 30, 2011

Is it Worth It?

A dream, a sightings , a vision, a premonition, a prophecy, a prediction, a forecast, a wish on a shooting star,  a hope, an idea, a prayer, all quite similar. What's the difference if any? Like the rain cleanses the earth and provides an open door to the possibilities of growth and life. So do the tears on the your pillow, soaking your face and making it hard to breathe. Dreams are made from the stuff. Hopes aspirations wishes all the above.
I close my eyes and I think of all the many dreams I've dreamt and the due diligence it took to manifest them. I remember embellishing my resume, applying for job after job, plowing the pavement daily in heels seeking and searching for a suitable apartment, studying until the wee hours of the night for entrance exams into colleges, then working my behind off to graduate with honors, lugging my pregnant body to Lamaze classes, enduring countless hours of labor twice and in the very end it was all so worth it.
Sometimes I feel low and I hang my head way way down where no one else can see me. If I could get under the floor I would do that too , just like an Ostrage. I get discouraged and want to feel bad for myself and the"mess" of the life I've created. I cry and cry and cry some more. Don't let a sad song come on, that's it, wake up with swollen eyes. People ask me are you OK, and I respond yeah! Why? Don't I look cute? Is my mask crooked, my cover up fading, my slip showing, my true self illuminating through the plastic bag with a hole in the bottom phony "fine" response I gave you. I think to myself that you don't really wanna know whats "wrong" with me.  Or what turmoil I'm living through to get to my destiny. Some days I suffer ALL day long just to lay in bed at night and be tormented the more. It may be to heavy for you to carry along with your own stuff so I keep it light for you and give a safe none sincere response. No since talking about something that will be a distant memory tomorrow. You see all
 my dreams, my sightings, my visions, my premonitions, the prophecies I've received, forecast all of my wishes on shooting stars, prayers, hopes, and ideas will indeed come to pass.
If you are anything like me and you have the type of journey that makes you cry, buckles your knees, clench your fists, gasps in horror,  scream if your mad enough and search the four corners of your mind to figure something out, anything out, make a way out of no possible way. I applaud you , because we are in training. On the battle field if you will. Chills run through my body as I type this, confirmation. Take a deep breath, breath back into your own body and hear my voice in the sound of your own voice crystal clearly. You are much closer than you realize! Hold on! It won't be much longer now! When someone asks you how are you, do like I do , continue to say Fine. You can even say Fantastic! Speak it into existence, because before you know it you will be looking in the mirror of your bathroom in your brand new home, you will be fastening your children's seat belts in your brand new car, you will be accepting a diploma from the President of your school whom is honored to meet your acquaintance. Hold on! Soon you will purchase your groceries and the women's behind you next in line, pay your bills six months in advance, have the special gathering in your backyard as you smile nestled comfortably in your husbands arms, swinging together on your patio deck sipping an icy beverage over looking the pool, festivities and fun. Tastes so sweet!  SOON! We will say it was so worth it! Hold on.
God Bless You
Thank You for Reading


  1. Thank you!! I want this all!! I am working so hard to bring forth this for myself and my boys, and at times I feel alone in my passion to push for the best.. Thank you again and I look forward to reading more of your blogs =))) XoXo Alma

  2. You are welcome sis! You are definiately not alone!!! There are women like you and I all over the world. When I pray I pray for them too.You are now in my prayers also. So much more than sweet nothings. Take it in allow it to become apart of you. You can have it, you deserve it. Doesn't that feel so good to hear? Say it again until it( your passion) in front of you. Keep me posted I know it won't be long!