Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Stories Untold

She and I had never spoken and yet we knew each other so very well. I looked out of the only window of my 7th floor apartment which faced a brick wall and a window, her window. She was youthful and full of vigor, child-like and loving, innocent and menaceing. A victim of her own story with no Super Hero in sight. Hoping, hurting, praying she was, often, in  her home filled with broken glass, egg shells, sudden unwanted surprises,disrepair and constant disappointment.  I'd watch her eyes as she looked out the window. I'd watch her thinking. I watched her write words from the heart. I watched as the tears began and until they had completely fallen, I'd watch her wipe her face in furry, hide her face in frustration and scream aloud into her clasped finger-tips. Sometimes I wondered her thoughts and I knew them. What just happened this time? And then our eyes met. A sun-filled ray of light connected them and we spoke silently. She whispered as she shared, her pain spoke much louder, she was only 16. She wanted to run away, but didn't want to leave her little sister behind. The absence of her father left the stench of poverty and crack-cocaine. The unwanted advances made by her mother's drug dealing boyfriend had now become of a sexual nature. It was only a matter of time before he made his move. Oh no not that again, her mother's last boyfriend did that to her and that's when her mother stared doing drugs again. It was all her fault, she was convinced. Her favorite film was The sound of Music, she could watch for hours at a time. It was just the type of presentation she yearned for. One day my mommy will find someone so special, that she will be so happy, she will stop doing drugs. She wanted to sing, she wanted to dance and play an instrument. She wanted to have a new pair of shoes, at least two pair and look like someone beautiful. Her eyes closed, our conversation went silent. She opened them with a single tear. She was ashamed. She opened her window wider and faster than I'd ever seen before and she stepped onto the ledge. I scurried to open mine and  screamed NO as I stepped on my ledge in the furious dead of winter winds dressed in only a bellowing night gown.  Our voices met. We introduced ourselves in a shivering , screaming dialect. "I wanted to go to LaGuadia one day, they have good music programs." she blurted. "Want to come to my house for hot chocolate and talk about it a little more" I inquired " No thank you I'm not going there anymore, I'm leaving here, I wanted to go to college, get married to a man of my dreams that wore glasses and shiny shoes and have 4 children. Three boys and one girl, she would be the youngest. I would name her after myself." "You are going to have an amazing future" I encouraged "Na, I'm not smart enough for those things, my mother told me I must be the stupidest bitch she'd ever seen, I believe her" The wind interrupted her. Then a scream in the background. Her little sister had fallen." I have to go." she said in a rush "WAIT!!!! I have been waiting and subconsciously preparing to love on you a little bit. In some strange way I am glad you got on this ledge today, this is no accident. I am you in a few years, I know your story, I have recited it several times before to whom ever would listen. You can redesign your life, You can have whatever you want. Yes, Yes, Yes you can! I screamed, I acknowledge your sorrow and I embrace it but you can be your own search and rescue.When you go back in that house I want you to know that this is NOT your future, but it's all it will ever be if you end the story now. The best parts have yet to be written." She looked back at me without a word. I searched for her each day that week, went to the window and each time the sheet was down. I went to her apartment  anxious and full of fears of the worst. Her mother opened the door with drink in hand. She looked me up and down and said Yes?, I asked for her daughter she said she didn't know where that fast tail girl was and when she see her she was going to beat her behind. I left politely.
About a month later I received a letter in the mail. It was her. She had run and found her self and who she was and was working on manifesting the life she wanted to live. She said she was doing OK in school and had asked her best auntie to take her little sister, which she did. Her mother promises to do better and has left that guy. She doesn't know whats next but it happy there is more to come.
You don't have to cut your story short, you can make a new choice and choose to be the light, so shine so bright. Let the world see that the Phoenix can rise from the dust. The ghetto, the hood, the Inner -City, the Urban Community you come from is the perfect soil for endless possibilities to grow tall.  You are a Hero, You are a maven in the making. Life has dragged you though the glass and you have come out shiny and new. I applaud your excellence, strength and courage. Replenish, rejuvenate, collect your thoughts and share them. We need them. Another person is waiting to hear from you and how, why, you made a different choice.
God Bless You
Thank You For Reading

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