When In Rome do as the Romans do?

As an African American woman in this country I find the struggle between growing up poor and "keeping it real" transformed into education and advancement with financial stability an insult to some or even most in my community. I have been told that because I speak with "big words" I think I'm better than someone and I walk around like a white girl. How in the world did this happen? I think that people have a ton of preconceived notions and expectations of what it means to be black and when you challenge that and say I'm going to continue to be black that's the only way I could ever be , but I'm also going to add a few degree's to my belt, refuse to raise my children in the neighborhoods I was raised, share my journey so the next generation might make a different choice and  this makes people uncomfortable. It even makes people so uncomfortable they want to test you and see if you can still "get urban" as my favorite professor,  Professor Woods would say. You could choose when in Rome do as the Romans do, play small and limit your verbiage, intelligence and professional persona, or you could do what feels right. What is that? For me it had a lot to do with listening to the negativity and the perceived problem because with in them lie the solution. Each day is a new lesson to be learned and as soon as you think you have learned them all in comes a new one.
I even went as far as to feel sorry for myself because I wasn't all things to all people and I wasn't liked by everyone nor was I spreading the bliss I'd so strived for. For me I learned not to force solutions on issues and sometimes they will resolve themselves.Other times you have to look in the mirror. Ask questions you might not want to know the answer to. If perception is reality, how am I being perceived? Am I in some way coming across as condescending or boastful. Do my stories in some way offend or ensue regret in others for less than best choices they've made in the past? How can I be a mover and a shaker in a manner that doesn't step on anyone's toes? Most importantly if I am this example of the new African American standard how can I continue to flourish without alienating my own kind or any kind for that matter? I'm working on the answers but the best part is I'm more aware of these possibility and I'm also more accepting of different personality types.So here's to being the change you want to see.
God Bless You
Thank You For Reading
Sjstyle

Stories Untold

She and I had never spoken and yet we knew each other so very well. I looked out of the only window of my 7th floor apartment which faced a brick wall and a window, her window. She was youthful and full of vigor, child-like and loving, innocent and menaceing. A victim of her own story with no Super Hero in sight. Hoping, hurting, praying she was, often, in  her home filled with broken glass, egg shells, sudden unwanted surprises,disrepair and constant disappointment.  I'd watch her eyes as she looked out the window. I'd watch her thinking. I watched her write words from the heart. I watched as the tears began and until they had completely fallen, I'd watch her wipe her face in furry, hide her face in frustration and scream aloud into her clasped finger-tips. Sometimes I wondered her thoughts and I knew them. What just happened this time? And then our eyes met. A sun-filled ray of light connected them and we spoke silently. She whispered as she shared, her pain spoke much louder, she was only 16. She wanted to run away, but didn't want to leave her little sister behind. The absence of her father left the stench of poverty and crack-cocaine. The unwanted advances made by her mother's drug dealing boyfriend had now become of a sexual nature. It was only a matter of time before he made his move. Oh no not that again, her mother's last boyfriend did that to her and that's when her mother stared doing drugs again. It was all her fault, she was convinced. Her favorite film was The sound of Music, she could watch for hours at a time. It was just the type of presentation she yearned for. One day my mommy will find someone so special, that she will be so happy, she will stop doing drugs. She wanted to sing, she wanted to dance and play an instrument. She wanted to have a new pair of shoes, at least two pair and look like someone beautiful. Her eyes closed, our conversation went silent. She opened them with a single tear. She was ashamed. She opened her window wider and faster than I'd ever seen before and she stepped onto the ledge. I scurried to open mine and  screamed NO as I stepped on my ledge in the furious dead of winter winds dressed in only a bellowing night gown.  Our voices met. We introduced ourselves in a shivering , screaming dialect. "I wanted to go to LaGuadia one day, they have good music programs." she blurted. "Want to come to my house for hot chocolate and talk about it a little more" I inquired " No thank you I'm not going there anymore, I'm leaving here, I wanted to go to college, get married to a man of my dreams that wore glasses and shiny shoes and have 4 children. Three boys and one girl, she would be the youngest. I would name her after myself." "You are going to have an amazing future" I encouraged "Na, I'm not smart enough for those things, my mother told me I must be the stupidest bitch she'd ever seen, I believe her" The wind interrupted her. Then a scream in the background. Her little sister had fallen." I have to go." she said in a rush "WAIT!!!! I have been waiting and subconsciously preparing to love on you a little bit. In some strange way I am glad you got on this ledge today, this is no accident. I am you in a few years, I know your story, I have recited it several times before to whom ever would listen. You can redesign your life, You can have whatever you want. Yes, Yes, Yes you can! I screamed, I acknowledge your sorrow and I embrace it but you can be your own search and rescue.When you go back in that house I want you to know that this is NOT your future, but it's all it will ever be if you end the story now. The best parts have yet to be written." She looked back at me without a word. I searched for her each day that week, went to the window and each time the sheet was down. I went to her apartment  anxious and full of fears of the worst. Her mother opened the door with drink in hand. She looked me up and down and said Yes?, I asked for her daughter she said she didn't know where that fast tail girl was and when she see her she was going to beat her behind. I left politely.
About a month later I received a letter in the mail. It was her. She had run and found her self and who she was and was working on manifesting the life she wanted to live. She said she was doing OK in school and had asked her best auntie to take her little sister, which she did. Her mother promises to do better and has left that guy. She doesn't know whats next but it happy there is more to come.
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You don't have to cut your story short, you can make a new choice and choose to be the light, so shine so bright. Let the world see that the Phoenix can rise from the dust. The ghetto, the hood, the Inner -City, the Urban Community you come from is the perfect soil for endless possibilities to grow tall.  You are a Hero, You are a maven in the making. Life has dragged you though the glass and you have come out shiny and new. I applaud your excellence, strength and courage. Replenish, rejuvenate, collect your thoughts and share them. We need them. Another person is waiting to hear from you and how, why, you made a different choice.
God Bless You
Thank You For Reading
Sjstyle

When I'm Gone

Cluttered with discouraged images of ones self and blinded by the images we sell to the world for free. Wonder and why and doubt battle it out for attention, who's the loser? What were you thinking? Have we forgotten the promised certain end of us all, It's total finality and the nothing-ness of  no more. Missing what never was can breed an interesting despair. It's a combination of loss, desire, and fantasy unfulfilled. Silent prayers go unanswered and salty sorrow filled tears fall on the heart. Clinched fist bust into screams of guilt, Show me unfair. Are we? One day the same hurt we felt we will likewise cause. Willingly, forcefully, intentionally, accidentally, vengefully, timely and untimely, eventually.
 Is it a waste of your time? Love, with a question mark or an exclamation point. Love freely, laugh the laugh of  bliss. You must know goodness , journey and  destination! A sure change. Personally. The present moment and the fulfillment of the deepest dream. The songs we sang to the top of our lungs with the last breathe. Hitting the money note better than any pro-tools mechanism.
What will you miss? The gleam in the eyes of a father's love for his daughter after the unexpected ,"daddy I love you" accompanied by the pure warm hug of a child, or the moment you meet the little being from your womb after 9 long months, the first time your eyes meet and you knew this was it.
Do they miss us? Do they remember when we were kids?  Just in case store up for that time. Say Hello, I love you, I need you, I pray you happiness, joy, laughter, then say so long. Whos' left behind, who's next? Will it change anything?
I pray you good fortune. I pray you an open mind free from ego, image, and power seeking desires. Give more than you take. Apologize. Smile at strangers. Cry. Sing. Dance. Buy it. Look Pretty. Share. Go, and show up. Hold Hands. Hug from the inside out. Respond. Pay attention, listen.
God Bless You
Thank You For Reading
Sjstyle:)

Time Helps Every Situation

When you think about it it’s hard to imagine how waiting, longing, anticipation, wanting, needing or any of such could be helpful, until you live through them. Time, such a tiny word with a tremendous about of purpose. Time heals, Time changes people, Time waits for no one, Time is of the essence, it takes Time, Time is money, Time is on my side, don't waste my Time, good Timing, do you have the Time, I don't have Time for this, be on Time, in the nick of Time and take your Time are some of my all Time favorites.

I had the great pleasure of having lunch with an enchanting, passionate, soberingly beautiful, aware, young woman, with impeccable personal style, Julia Gosen.She’s graced the stage of countless  N.Y.C, elite society Fashion Shows, impressive print and media work spreading social continuousness all while attending college. Not to mention she moved here from Canada all alone and with no solidified residence, friends, nor family. She embodies the meaning of a "Shero", brave, bold and courageous. Julia has been here for two years and her journey has been full of peaks and valleys, personal triumphs as well as failure's all the while she remains consistent.

We began our casual conversation as we strolled down Madison Avenue, people watching and wondering if it were possible to be lonely in a city this massive. The streets flooded with people for miles, as far as the eyes can see. The sidewalks in the distance appear to be rolling like waves in the ocean with people.  I'm lonely, Julia uttered. I thought about it. She continued. I'm here all alone with no solid anything. Friends, Boyfriend, place to stay, nothing, and most of the time I'm by myself. When I first came here I was surrounded by people, sure she's my friend I thought but I naturally began to weed people out. The city will do that to you. It will show you who’s who. The modeling scene is dog eat dog; people will throw you under the bus in a minute. Not to mention the horrible things some of these Casting Director's will say to you. I had a woman ask me if I eat before even shaking my hand. You have girls that are willing to do anything. It's just not healthy. I admit I was like them once; I liked the party scene and all the night life. The attention I received and being allowed to get in here or there because I look like this or that. I now see how stupid that was. Again so unhealthy, I wanna be able to have a baby one day. I would be out until 4am and have to be in class by 9am just so unhealthy. I've also lived in every borough in the city and some of the worst areas it’s taught me quite a bit about myself and keeping me first. I used to be a big people pleaser. If I ever have the opportunity to speak to another young lady that’s considering moving to New York for modeling or some other career path, I’d say make sure you have your head on your shoulder's straight, You have to, you have to be smart. This is definitely a concrete Jungle. If my child self saw my adult self she wouldn't be happy. If my grandma where still alive she probably wouldn’t be happy either. I was her pride and joy. Where I have accomplished a lot of things I still have so much work to do, and I'm still questioning things and sorting things out. Time helps every situation I guess. Julia I think your right! Only time has taught you these valuable lessons and no need worrying about the future it will take care of itself, I responded. Continue to stay present and remain present fully with no regret and wish I had done this or said that. These conversations are mere distractions. You are well on your way and I cannot believe how intelligent you are. Age is truly just a number.Every experience we experience is for our evolution and you are well on your way. By the way I’m sure you’re still your grandma’s pride and joy. Look at what you’ve accomplished in just two short years with constant combatants; imagine what you’ll accomplish in the next two years with this new found clarity and a little support. I celebrate you and I applaud you Julia. Take a bow, job well done.
And to all the Julia’s out there who dare to try, go for their dreams, overcome their fears, who inspire others, help one another and lend a hand, I also celebrate you. You are amazing and don’t forget it. You can be do and have any and everything you want. Give it some Time.
Thank you for Reading
God Bless You
Sjstyle

We Learn

If your lucky enough (and I use the word luck ever so loosely) to work, play or socialize in multiple circles you learn very quickly the dysfunction of humanity isn't only prevalent in " Urban" communities but it is expansive. Watching Soap Opera as a child with my mother as she loving nurtured my hair, I'd wonder how all these wealthy people had so much drama. This memory was refreshed as I began the interviewing process for my final quarter's internship in college. I noticed the people I thought  would treat me poorly were extra careful not to and the ones I'd expected to be super supportive were the exact opposite.
Some of us gain on the job training skills, I'm gaining on the journey training skills. I'm learning by being treated poorly how to treat others well. You can never hinder someones growth nor can you accelerate it. If there is a resource or valuable piece of information that you have and you know another could greatly benefit from it, do not hoard it. Share it, there is MORE than enough abundance to do around. I learned this lesson as my tummy would be growling and "out of no where" I would be feed free of charge.
Gandhi said Be the change you want to see. I also want to add to that accept your current circumstance. Stop forcing the future to be here, or frequently re-playing the past.
I hope this was helpful, pass it on.
God Bless You
Sjstyle

Can You Relate?

I think I'm just one of those people, the type that puts there foot in there mouth and wishes they hadn't said that. Makes a mistake,  apologizes and makes another, turns left instead of right, Generally misunderstood and often mistaken. Sensitive, unsure and a little impatient.  Just the perfect candidate for God to move, show up and show out. In His word He says when you are weak I am strong. Thank You Lord for being my strength. Today I had none. I woke up late after going to bed early. Couldn't process my thoughts and put together an outfit. Disappointed someone or two, got offended, needed a hand, lost something important and expensive, cried too long and was too upset to eat.
I know I will get it together i just wonder what I am ruining in the meantime? If I could only get out of my own head and out of my own way......What does that even really mean?
Most days I'm so confused, pulling from one self help book to the next just to feel bad about feeling bad and not evolving as the book guaranteed I would with proper practice of the principals.
Wanting to speak to someone but there being no one. Jesus.
I pray I'm not being to forward or too miserable. I pray that I'm not being selfish or a complainer. I just really could use you right now. I need to know what's happening to me and what I need to be doing to make it. Am I not trying hard enough , am I not being nice enough, am I not sharing enough? How can I help ?
My son saw me crying today, I thought he was fast asleep. He said he came to check on me. What  a major burden for a child, how noble of him.
I guess none of us should expect to have a vacation of a life all the time. Thank you Father for hearing me and allowing me to speak for that someone who didn't have the words to say.
I will continue to praise you. I thank you for every road traveled, your mercy and your loving kindness towards me. I have embraced peace.
Thank You For Reading
God Bless You
SjStyle

She Decided

I am the wind, the stars, the sun, the moon, the light. The present, the past, the expected ending, the positive motivation, I am God's greatest gift to myself. I am powerful, beautiful, compelling, complicated, confused. I am giving.

You see, he was convinced that loving her was an unnecessary obstacle. Reside together, play a role . He was too in love with "being right", "being out", "being tipsy", "being fly" to ever fully love her. Everyday his demands and disapproval were a topic of discussion. Why cant you be more like this? Why can't you be more like that? Aren't you supposed to be this? Why can't you just know? My friends said I should try 'this' on you. She wondered silently at first and then aloud, what can I do to resolve this and when did I become a case study? Miss' fix it, Miss' make her self perfect, Miss' play small to his un-yielding will. He would rant , rave, scream, scold,verbally abuse her all to make his point. Always his way, no possible alternatives.She was certain it was not all about her and her misbehavior, he was troubled on the inside.  She decided not to resist. What he thought was what he thought. If he had not eyes to see her and all her splendor she would not remove the blinders. She decided for herself that it was OK to allow the winds of change to blow. Not to be liked, not to always be treated fairly. Everything changes only nothing stays the same. So she waited.
God Bless You
Sjstyle